...of what I was keeping track of and which direction I intended to take.
What now?
Just alternating between waiting and weighing my options.
And?
It's frustrating to be fumbling around blindly just waiting for the next time i'll stumble again because I don't want to... I'm scared i won't have the will to get up again.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Day 6
"Each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise."
Unbearable as it may seem majority of the time, i'm starting to believe that there is more to it... and there is more to me. I have to believe that the pain can bring about changes for the better because no one else can make that possible but me.
I know it won't be easy and to be honest, the mere idea of what that truly entails scares the hell out of me. It's scary to stray from what i've always known and it's scary to make one's self completely vulnerable to another person. I've held back for so long but I know now that there's nothing scarier than to be haunted bywhat if's and I should haves.
There is no sorrier kind of existence than having to live with a self full of regrets but right now, there's nothing left to do but hope... and wait. Yes, even if each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a thousand bruises because i have to believe that it'll be worth it in the end. I believe he's worth fighting for and it's right about time i start to believe that i'm worth fighting for too.
I have to. Despite all my imperfections, despite all the mistakes i have to make up for for as long as i live and despite all the things i did which i could've done much much better. I have to believe that there's hope for me... that there's more to me.
I have to believe that there's something to love... because if i don't, then no one else will.
Unbearable as it may seem majority of the time, i'm starting to believe that there is more to it... and there is more to me. I have to believe that the pain can bring about changes for the better because no one else can make that possible but me.
I know it won't be easy and to be honest, the mere idea of what that truly entails scares the hell out of me. It's scary to stray from what i've always known and it's scary to make one's self completely vulnerable to another person. I've held back for so long but I know now that there's nothing scarier than to be haunted by
There is no sorrier kind of existence than having to live with a self full of regrets but right now, there's nothing left to do but hope... and wait. Yes, even if each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a thousand bruises because i have to believe that it'll be worth it in the end. I believe he's worth fighting for and it's right about time i start to believe that i'm worth fighting for too.
I have to. Despite all my imperfections, despite all the mistakes i have to make up for for as long as i live and despite all the things i did which i could've done much much better. I have to believe that there's hope for me... that there's more to me.
I have to believe that there's something to love... because if i don't, then no one else will.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Day 5
My mind has grown so weary from keeping my restless heart in check. The pain, the love and the endless stream of words that come with it keep slipping away and once again, my empty hands disappoint me. Living in fear isn't living at all so let go... and just love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)